How do men cope?

[emily]

So we're thinking about going the ivf route. Well, at least I thought we were. I thought my husband and I were in agreement on this, but now that we're actually ready to make an appointment I sense that he is holding back.

I'm really not sure why, because he seems to have a hard time talking about it. We'll still by using his sperm (at least we hope to... he was tested a few years back but will have to go again). I'm wondering if it might have anything to do with it involving something other than the "natural" way?... Anyone else run into this?
Can any of you guys who've gone through this offer any insight?
Appreciate any feedback.
Emily

[Kaimi1993]

Men have a way of expressing "life" in general. I know deep down it hurt my husband when I found out that we had to do IVF. I mean, he was on board with it 100% without a doubt but doing it the OLD FASHIONED way would have been better. I wish NONE of us had to go through this route when there are people out there that spit out babies left and right. I hope your husband has had a change of "heart" and if he needs to "talk" about where to inject you at in the BUM -- aka BUTT then let me know and my husband will talk to him. Good luck!!

My wife is in the middle of a cycle right now. What I can tell you is that the whole thing puts a weird distance between me and her, she's taking all these injections, going to the clinic for all the tests, and I'm not doing anything. I do accompany her whenever I can, but it's just not the same as having these things done on you, watching it from the sidelines. I don't talk to her about how I feel though, not because I don't think it's manly, but because I think she has enough emotional burden as it is. I don't think you should take your husband's change in attitude as a sign of his reluctance to go through IVF. It's just the different ways men and women experience pregnancy. I guess the same thing is true in 'natural' ones as well, at least to some extent. Well, anyway, I thought I'd pitch in, and unload my emotions a bit along the way. Hope that helps.

Vince

I have noticed the same as vince, but can't say I feel any less a part that I was for our first child. I don't care what they say, Motherhood is a private and personal thing and begins long before birth. Fatherhood on the other hand is no less capable but happens a bit later. Just my thoughts.
Mitch

[harris17]

Mitch, I agree.
When we were getting tested, several times I found myself hoping that the problem was me and not my wife, because otherwise I felt that she felt that maybe she was letting me down. And also I felt like I was becoming an observer, who was no longer involved in part because I couldn't understand. In our case the actual cause has been harder to pin down, so we are in the situation together. However I also can see that if I WAS the one who had the problem that 'd probably have a hard time not closing up into my own shell too.

Yes, I know what you mean. In my case I did have an issue and it was very hard to be open about it. We were able to retrieve healthy sperm and as soon as the situation was resolved (somewhat) something changed inside and it was much easier to talk about.

We are considering another try with ivf, but at the moment we waiting for more test results and also for some financial things to clear up. Pretty tough time in the economy.

I'm wishing I could dream up a way to use paper gains in the stock market to pay for infertility services and other kinds of payments. Because otherwise you never have enough time to realize those gains, as witnessed as most of my gains have evaporated. I come from a strategy of being a long-term investor but after this last decline I am reconsidering. If I'd sold a bit more and took some gains, I would have paid more taxes but I'd have more cash now when I need it. Versus, using REAL money for these services and watching all the paper gains disappear.

[porter]

We figured out the finances and are going to try again, (after a bit of a diet for both of us).
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